Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
