I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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