So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
