woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
