You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Boobs speak an international language.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize
