Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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