my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
