Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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