There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
