I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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