i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
