If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
