naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
