Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
