i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
