It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
