very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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