It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
