By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
