I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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