i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
