Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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