Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
