Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
