dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
