you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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