well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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