All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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