I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
