your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
return my video game
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
