genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
