so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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