i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
