We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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