and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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