yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
