Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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