Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
