I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
