We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Success! We fucked roommates!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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