He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i came on her dog
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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