Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
