Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
