thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
