i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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