we have pet lesbian snakes
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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