One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
