Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
