drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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