Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Someone shit on the floor
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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