What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
